In this week’s episode, Tony was offended by Jill saying that she has trained him to change a few of his habits. He agreed, however, that partners can teach each other. In short, training and teaching were interchangeable for Jill, but not for Tony.
He told listeners that if you are in a relationship with someone who says you have been trained by them, respond to them in a calm manner that the word “trained” is incorrect.
Meanwhile, Jill encouraged listeners to help each other grow. If you use certain words that offend your partner, use other words.
Together, they have more advice:
Let your partner know what upsets you, but make sure you do it in a loving way
Listen to each other
Recognize that compromises are intended to be win-win outcomes
What do you think about conditioning your partner to change behaviors that suit you better? Leave your answers in the comments section. Let us know what topics you’d like to hear us tackle.
In this week’s episode, Jill and Tony talked about the importance of surrounding yourself with people who are in your corner.
Tony told listeners to take a close look at the people who are in your life. If someone brings nothings but drama, pain, or heartache, then you need to distance yourself or remove that person from your life.
He has more advice:
Remember that the company you keep can affect your quality of life
Consider whether someone has had a positive effect on you. Those are the ones to keep in your life.
Do not forget to love yourself, too.
Jill told listeners, paraphrasing Maya Angelou, to believe people when they show you who they are.
She urges listeners to do the following:
If someone you consider a friend betrays you or is guilty of some other wrongdoing against you, determine whether it was just one bad decision on their part or something ongoing. Try to talk it out if you think they are a true friend. No one is perfect, after all.
If you find you need to distance yourself from someone, consider walking away without a fight. Chances are arguing about it is only going to make things worse.
Do not hold grudges. It eats away at you, not the other person.
Who are your friends? What criteria do you use to determine that they are not your enemies? Leave your answers in the comments section.
In the meantime, join us at our podcast-related meetup on Saturday, Oct. 26. We’ve planned some fun activities and giveaways.
In this week’s episode, Tony and Jill discussed how much they’ve changed since they first met. In their case, they believe their change, especially when they changed together, helped them reach an all-time high in their relationship. In essence, they believed their changes–individual ones and those they did as a couple–were mostly positive.
Jill brought up the times her changes resulted in a significant weight gain. She thanked Tony for not loving her any less.
Jill told listeners to avoid being a dream killer.
As always, she has other tips:
Expect change. Few people stay the same forever.
Embrace growth. Change is often a sign of moving forward.
Avoid staying in the past. Remember that you can’t change what has already happened, but you can grow and progress in the days ahead.
Tony advised listeners, when meeting someone, to really take the time to know the person.
He suggested they also do the following:
Be honest with yourself and with each other about changes.
Consider that change can either enhance or destroy a relationship, but don’t make snap judgments about it.
Strive for open communication, no matter the changes.
In what ways have you changed during your relationship with your significant other? How did your partner respond? Have you followed any of Jill and Tony’s suggestions? Which ones? Leave your responses in the comments section at the bottom of this page.
Thanks as always for your support. Join Jill and Tony in person at their first meetup related to this podcast. Details are near the top of this page.
In this week’s relationship, Jill and Tony discussed facets of the bro code and sistah/girlfriend code. For example, women often live by an unspoken rule that anyone they are interested in is off limits to their friends.That often applies to when the friend is in the relationship with her love interest… and after it ends, too.
Tony took the conversation to a completely different place when he first described what’s included in the bro code. If you missed it, you’ll just have to listen to the episode.
In the meantime, Tony advised listeners to keep their number of close friends to a minimum. He said you should have only a few close friends, and some may even seem like or better than family.
He also has other tips:
Embrace having friendship codes if they enhance the respect level and create appropriate boundaries.
Be aware that some codes–the bro code, for example– can create an environment for cheating. Pay attention.
Discuss friendship codes with your friends and your partner. Transparency is great for relationships..
Jill also told listeners that to have good friends, you must be a good one. Lead by example.
She also has other advice:
Know who your true friends are. Not everyone is your friend.
Build all of your relationships on trust. Without it, what’s the point?
Respect your friend’s relationships with others, even those you personally do not care for. Surround yourself with people who respect your relationships, too.
What codes do you think friends and partners should have? What have you experienced that worked or failed? Please leave your responses in our comments section. Let us know what you thought of this episode too, while you’re at it.
In this week’s episode, Jill brought up Tony’s habit of having conversations in his head that he thought they had aloud.
Jill was baffled about what to do about it, but still managed to advise listeners to either choose between making your partner aware of the situation or mess with your mate by making fun of the situation.
She also has other tips:
Consider whether there is a real issue. It could be something that the two of you laugh about or maybe it is indicative of something a little more serious
Pick and choose your battles. If it isn’t a real problem, don’t make it one.
Don’t take yourself so seriously. Live life with light and love.
Meanwhile, although Tony didn’t think he had this issue, he told listeners to not tell their partner if they have imaginary conversations. Of course, the issue is the person having these discussions in their head may not realize it.
He gave the following advice:
If your partner thinks they have said something to you out loud, but really only thought it, you should bare with them. It’s probably because they feel so connected to you. It’s nothing to worry about.
Watch their clues of smiling and laughing when they tell you about yourself. That means the situation is funny to them.
If your partner becomes angry when you discuss it, however, take the issue seriously. Perhaps your partner needs professional help.
Can you relate to this same situation? If so, what do you do about it? Leave your responses in the comments section.
Don’t Talk too Much, but don’t keep too many secrets either
In this week’s episode, Tony and Jill discussed how much you should tell your partner about your past. We all have one, after all.
Tony urged listeners to be honest with their partner and with themselves.
He also has more advice:
Some people hide what they don’t want others to see. Don’t do that. Remember that when you hide yourself from others, you hide from yourself, too.
Decide what you want out of the relationship. Determining this can help you decide how much to reveal about your past.
Ultimately, how much you decide to divulge is up to you.
Jill told listeners to show who they really are. She also has more tips:
Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not, so when you’re talking about your past, don’t downplay or exaggerate.
Be a good listener when your partner is telling you about his or her past. You’ll likely learn a lot about what you can and cannot tolerate long-term.
Above all, establish open communication lines, whether it’s talking about your past or present. Secrets usually come to light at some point, but try not to overwhelm someone you’ve just met by telling him or her everything. Pace yourself.
How much do you think is too much to divulge about your past? Has this ever been an issue for you? Leave your answers in the comments section. Thanks and keep listening. We appreciate your support.
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In this week’s episode, we discussed many reasons why some people cheat, and their partners stay with them.
We both urged listeners to be honest with themselves and their partners about the situation.
Tony also has some other tips to offer:
If you are a person that cheats on your partner. Take a moment to try to figure out why.
Also think about the person you’re cheating on. How would you feel if they cheated on you? If you don’t care how it affects your partner emotionally, please try to be nice enough to let them go, if they don’t have the strength to leave you.
Please, please, please, if you are the person that’s being cheated on, find the strength to leave them. You are worth more than that, you deserve better than that. Love yourself.
Jill also has some advice for listeners:
If you find that partner after partner cheats on you, try to determine why.
If you end a relationship because your partner cheats on you, don’t feel like you have to tell everyone or anyone. Some so-called friends have a tendency to make you feel worse about it. So, only tell others if it makes you feel better to release the truth.
Don’t try to change a cheater. You only have control of yourself.
Have you ever cheated on someone or been in a relationship with a cheater? How did that relationship play out? Leave your comments below. Don’t forget to catch up on any missed episodes.