Episode 11: Signs That Your Partner Knows you Better Than you Know Yourself

Producer: Jill Cox-Cordova
Tech Operator/Editor: Anthony Cordova
Music: Gifford Ivan Cordova III
Podcast Art: Nick Zinkie

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In All Seriousness

Embrace Your Partner’s Encouragement

During our podcast, Tony advised you to cherish when your partner says she/better knows than you know yourself because they are often just trying to encourage you.

Per usual, he has other tips for you:

  • Try to remember that your partner might be able to see something in you, that you can’t see. It could be something positive, or it might be something negative. Try not to become angry, if they have something negative to point out about you.
  • If you have to let your partner know about something that they say or do that is negative, be sure to point out something positive about them first. It will go a long way in ensuring that you have a happy and loving relationship.
  • Be sure you tell your partner the things you love about them, as often as possible. Both women and men love to hear that they are loved and appreciated.  

Meanwhile, during the podcast, Jill said you should try to see your partner’s talents and then support those abilities. Uplift each other because you’re better together.

She also has more advice:

  • Just as you should strive to see each other, also know, as Maya Angelou once said, that when a person shows who he/she really is, believe him/her.
  • Be willing to help your partner and also be helped.
  • Express gratitude daily that you are glad your partner is in your life.

What suggestions do you have to add? Leave your answers in the comments section. Subscribe to our blog, so that you don’t miss any.

Episode 10: What is the Proper Response When Your Partner is Upset With You?

Producer: Jill Cox-Cordova
Tech Operator/Editor: Anthony Cordova
Music: Gifford Ivan Cordova III
Podcast Art: Nick Zinkie

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In All Seriousness

When Laughter Leads to More Anger

In our podcast, Jill advised you to respect your partner’s emotions, especially when they are angry.

She also has more tips:

  • Express what you’re feeling with love. If you yell and scream to show your anger, your partner may not truly hear you.
  • Be open to your partner’s response, if he or she offers a reason for their actions that got you upset in the first place. Maybe it’s all a misunderstanding about intention.
  • Don’t make everything a battle. Ask yourself if the issue is something you can tolerate or is it really worth an argument.

During our podcast, Tony also finally–finally–admitted that laughter probably isn’t the best immediate response to your partner’s anger. In fact, he now realizes that laughing can make your partner get even more upset with you.

He has three more tips to avoid that:

  • Be empathetic and sympathetic when your partner is upset with you.
  • Give your partner time to see the humor in the situation. When that happens, laughter is a good thing.
  • Continue to love each other. Understand that anger often isn’t worth the negative energy that comes with it. 

Are you willing to try our advice? What has worked for you in the past? Post your answers in the comments section.

Episode 9: When Swag Becomes a Problem

Producer: Jill Cox-Cordova
Music: Gifford Ivan Cordova III
Podcast Art: Nick Zinkie

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In All Seriousness

Mine Vs. Yours in Relationships

In this week’s podcast, Tony and Jill kept using words that can be detrimental to a relationship like “mine” and “yours.” Jill said that you can still use those words and keep the peace as long as you also define what “ours” means to you and your partner.

Her other advice expands upon that idea:

  • Recognize and respect all three categories of mine, yours, and ours. Yes, you may be a couple, but you’re still individuals, too, possibly with different interests and goals.
  • Cheer each other on with genuine enthusiasm
  • Realize that a win for your partner is a win for you, too

In keeping with the swag theme, Tony said that if people want to be kind to you, respond with “thank you” and enjoy whatever they give you.

He has more suggestions along those lines:

  • Understand that it’s fine to accept swag or maybe even a gift, as long as the giver doesn’t want something inappropriate from you in return
  • Consider declining swag or a gift if it makes your partner uncomfortable
  • If you do accept swag or a gift, make sure you share it with your partner. That way, everybody is happy.

What is your opinion about accepting swag you didn’t earn? Who do you think won this podcast debate? Leave us your thoughts in the comments section.

Episode 8: Wants vs. Needs, The Relationship Edition

Producer: Jill Cox-Cordova
Music: Gifford Ivan Cordova III
Podcast Art: Nick Zinkie

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In All Seriousness

The Art of Compromising

In this podcast, Tony and Jill were more serious than usual because the dangers of riding a motorcycle were discussed.

If you listened to the end, however, you know that their relationship advice was on the comical side. For example, Tony said that while he believes in compromising, sometimes you just have to stand your ground. Jill, on the other hand, urged listeners to offer compromises to their partners, but said that if they don’t take it, then “Oh well.”

The two still have other tips to offer if you and your partner are trying to agree on something.

Here are Jill’s tips:

  • Listen, listen, listen
  • Don’t be afraid to state why you don’t agree, but say it with love.
  • Empathize with your partner. If you put yourself in the other’s shoes, you may view the situation differently.

Here are Tony’s tips:

  • At least try to compromise, if you are in a relationship
  • Try to understand your partner’s concern
  • Remember who you are. Do you feel like a piece of yourself would die if you gave up something you love doing? If so, that’s the time to stand your ground, but don’t let it destroy your relationship. Keep loving each other.

Have you tried any of these tips? What is your process for compromising? Leave your comments.

Episode 4: Is There an Instigator in Your Relationship?

Producer: Jill Cox-Cordova
Music: Gifford Ivan Cordova III
Podcast Art: Nick Zinkie

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In All Seriousness

Spread Positivity

In our podcast, Tony advised those of you who feel a need to talk to people to do it with positivity; do not insert negativity into it at all. Jill agreed with that, but suggested that the best way to do that is to stay out of other people’s business anyway.

That discussion led to the two coming up with more tips. Here are Tony’s:

  • Make sure you’re happy with yourself before you butt into another person’s life. If you give advice when you’re not happy with yourself, you will probably give them bad advice.
  • If you are indeed an instigator, accept that, but also understand that nothing good will ever happen if you instigate in a negative way.
  • Assess the situation and the people you approach. Sometimes it is best to just stay out of other people’s business.

Jill agreed with Tony’s last tip, of course. Here are her other tips:

  • Remember that everyone has a certain timeline and way they want to do things. Just because you wouldn’t do it how and when they would doesn’t mean their approach is wrong.
  • Spend more time determining how to improve yourself, not everyone else’s life. Chances are they didn’t ask for or need your help.
  • If they do ask for your input, give them your honest opinion without being harsh or critical of who they are.

So, do you have an instigator in your relationship? Is Tony an instigator? Please leave your comments.

Book Review: Orchid & the Wasp

orchid.wasp.cover

As a member of First to Read, I am able to read and review galleys. Caoilinn Hughes’ ORCHARD AND THE WASP was my first selection.

I found that the book has three strengths that would appeal to  readers who want to get lost in a land or situation that may be foreign to them: 1) its sense of place and setting 2) its universal themes; and 3) its poetic language.

Hughes’ tale of a fragile family begins in Dublin, Ireland, but the author—through the lens of protagonist Gael Foess—takes the reader on an unsettling adventure in London and into to some jaw-dropping scenarios in New York. The first time the author describes the setting of each of these places, the reader is treated to the attractions and flaws of each locale, a clear sense of place.

Yet Hughes’ choice to connect these three vastly different places by weaving universal themes—family dysfunction, secrecy, deception, and wealth status—works.

At the start of the book, Gael is living with her parents and younger brother, who suffers from a condition no one in the family initially understood. Hughes shows the reader that Gael is his caretaker since both parents are rarely at home because of their careers. When Gael’s financier father leaves them during an economic crisis, her mother lapses into a depression, crashing her own career as a conductor for a professional orchestra. This causes Gael to take care of her too, or so that is her desire.

It is the paragraphs about music that offer readers language that is lyrical and tight. For example, Hughes writes, “Chordal strokes and a pair of harps stippled like rain” (32-33). Later, Hughes writes, “This symphony? So brief…reduced…like something that’s been boiling too long” (33).

The changing point of view (sometimes it was Gael’s and sometimes it was the all-knowing omniscient) might confuse or even put off some readers, but the satisfying ending is worth pushing through to get to the last page.