In this week’s episode, Tony was offended by Jill saying that she has trained him to change a few of his habits. He agreed, however, that partners can teach each other. In short, training and teaching were interchangeable for Jill, but not for Tony.
He told listeners that if you are in a relationship with someone who says you have been trained by them, respond to them in a calm manner that the word “trained” is incorrect.
Meanwhile, Jill encouraged listeners to help each other grow. If you use certain words that offend your partner, use other words.
Together, they have more advice:
Let your partner know what upsets you, but make sure you do it in a loving way
Listen to each other
Recognize that compromises are intended to be win-win outcomes
What do you think about conditioning your partner to change behaviors that suit you better? Leave your answers in the comments section. Let us know what topics you’d like to hear us tackle.
In this week’s episode, Jill and Tony talked about the importance of surrounding yourself with people who are in your corner.
Tony told listeners to take a close look at the people who are in your life. If someone brings nothings but drama, pain, or heartache, then you need to distance yourself or remove that person from your life.
He has more advice:
Remember that the company you keep can affect your quality of life
Consider whether someone has had a positive effect on you. Those are the ones to keep in your life.
Do not forget to love yourself, too.
Jill told listeners, paraphrasing Maya Angelou, to believe people when they show you who they are.
She urges listeners to do the following:
If someone you consider a friend betrays you or is guilty of some other wrongdoing against you, determine whether it was just one bad decision on their part or something ongoing. Try to talk it out if you think they are a true friend. No one is perfect, after all.
If you find you need to distance yourself from someone, consider walking away without a fight. Chances are arguing about it is only going to make things worse.
Do not hold grudges. It eats away at you, not the other person.
Who are your friends? What criteria do you use to determine that they are not your enemies? Leave your answers in the comments section.
In the meantime, join us at our podcast-related meetup on Saturday, Oct. 26. We’ve planned some fun activities and giveaways.
This topic of this week’s episode was a special one because it was, in part, the idea of another podcaster, David Payne. David hosts the wildly popular and highly-ranked podcast, Somebody Somewhere, which investigates and uncover clues in unsolved, high-profile cases. Make sure you check it the binge-worthy show because it is amazing what he and executive producer, Jody Gottlieb, consistently discover and reveal in each episode.
Recently, David and Jill, who have known each other since their CNN.com days, spoke about the need to feel right, which led to Jill interviewing a neuroscientist, Dr. Dean Burnett, about whether the brain is wired for that. David used an excerpt of that interview in a recent episode, and so did Jill and Tony in this week’s podcast. In fact, Tony and Jill admitted to times they were wrong in their relationship with each other.
Tony also told listeners to look deeper within themselves, within their life, at decisions they’ve made.
His other tips include the following:
Remember that no one is right all the time.
Even if you think you’re right, take the time to truly listen to your partner’s viewpoint
Keep your mind and heart open. That’s the best way to open your ears to listen.
Jill also offered advice by telling listeners to judge others less since everyone has flaws.
She also has the following suggestions:
Be honest with yourself about why you feel the need to be right
In this week’s episode, Tony and Jill discussed how much they’ve changed since they first met. In their case, they believe their change, especially when they changed together, helped them reach an all-time high in their relationship. In essence, they believed their changes–individual ones and those they did as a couple–were mostly positive.
Jill brought up the times her changes resulted in a significant weight gain. She thanked Tony for not loving her any less.
Jill told listeners to avoid being a dream killer.
As always, she has other tips:
Expect change. Few people stay the same forever.
Embrace growth. Change is often a sign of moving forward.
Avoid staying in the past. Remember that you can’t change what has already happened, but you can grow and progress in the days ahead.
Tony advised listeners, when meeting someone, to really take the time to know the person.
He suggested they also do the following:
Be honest with yourself and with each other about changes.
Consider that change can either enhance or destroy a relationship, but don’t make snap judgments about it.
Strive for open communication, no matter the changes.
In what ways have you changed during your relationship with your significant other? How did your partner respond? Have you followed any of Jill and Tony’s suggestions? Which ones? Leave your responses in the comments section at the bottom of this page.
Thanks as always for your support. Join Jill and Tony in person at their first meetup related to this podcast. Details are near the top of this page.
In this week’s episode, Jill revealed that she is actually an introvert when it comes to what energy makes her thrive; whereas Tony said he is either a hybrid of an introvert and an extrovert, or maybe he’s an extrovert.
You may not believe their conclusions, but it’s true, even if they only realized that about themselves recently.
In the podcast, Tony encouraged people to connect with others, regardless of whether they are an introvert or extrovert, in order to have a fulfilling life. He said you only need a few close friends.
He also has these tips:
Recognize that it doesn’t matter whether you are introverted or extroverted, as long as it doesn’t negatively affect your professional and personal life.
Avoid being a hermit. Do the things you enjoy outside of your home, even occasionally.
If you are an extrovert, do not try to outshine others around you, especially if you are in a relationship with an introvert.
Meanwhile, Jill told listeners to be who they really are, but try to step up if they have to in order to achieve their goals.
Her other suggestions are for introverts, like her:
Face your fears. For example, if it terrifies you to deliver a presentation or a speech, learn how to get out of your comfort zone by joining Toastmasters or finding help in another form.
Do not try to change your personality, even if someone else would prefer if you did. Instead, work on improving behaviors that you believe may be holding you back from meaningful roles and relationships.
Make time for self-care. If you find mandatory social gatherings draining, take the time to do the things that rejuvenate and relax after the event is over.
Do you believe Jill and Tony’s conclusions about themselves? How do you navigate social gatherings if you’re in a relationship with an introvert, but you are an extrovert, or vice-versa? Leave your responses in the comments section.
In this week’s relationship, Jill and Tony discussed facets of the bro code and sistah/girlfriend code. For example, women often live by an unspoken rule that anyone they are interested in is off limits to their friends.That often applies to when the friend is in the relationship with her love interest… and after it ends, too.
Tony took the conversation to a completely different place when he first described what’s included in the bro code. If you missed it, you’ll just have to listen to the episode.
In the meantime, Tony advised listeners to keep their number of close friends to a minimum. He said you should have only a few close friends, and some may even seem like or better than family.
He also has other tips:
Embrace having friendship codes if they enhance the respect level and create appropriate boundaries.
Be aware that some codes–the bro code, for example– can create an environment for cheating. Pay attention.
Discuss friendship codes with your friends and your partner. Transparency is great for relationships..
Jill also told listeners that to have good friends, you must be a good one. Lead by example.
She also has other advice:
Know who your true friends are. Not everyone is your friend.
Build all of your relationships on trust. Without it, what’s the point?
Respect your friend’s relationships with others, even those you personally do not care for. Surround yourself with people who respect your relationships, too.
What codes do you think friends and partners should have? What have you experienced that worked or failed? Please leave your responses in our comments section. Let us know what you thought of this episode too, while you’re at it.
In this week’s episode, Jill brought up Tony’s habit of having conversations in his head that he thought they had aloud.
Jill was baffled about what to do about it, but still managed to advise listeners to either choose between making your partner aware of the situation or mess with your mate by making fun of the situation.
She also has other tips:
Consider whether there is a real issue. It could be something that the two of you laugh about or maybe it is indicative of something a little more serious
Pick and choose your battles. If it isn’t a real problem, don’t make it one.
Don’t take yourself so seriously. Live life with light and love.
Meanwhile, although Tony didn’t think he had this issue, he told listeners to not tell their partner if they have imaginary conversations. Of course, the issue is the person having these discussions in their head may not realize it.
He gave the following advice:
If your partner thinks they have said something to you out loud, but really only thought it, you should bare with them. It’s probably because they feel so connected to you. It’s nothing to worry about.
Watch their clues of smiling and laughing when they tell you about yourself. That means the situation is funny to them.
If your partner becomes angry when you discuss it, however, take the issue seriously. Perhaps your partner needs professional help.
Can you relate to this same situation? If so, what do you do about it? Leave your responses in the comments section.
Don’t Talk too Much, but don’t keep too many secrets either
In this week’s episode, Tony and Jill discussed how much you should tell your partner about your past. We all have one, after all.
Tony urged listeners to be honest with their partner and with themselves.
He also has more advice:
Some people hide what they don’t want others to see. Don’t do that. Remember that when you hide yourself from others, you hide from yourself, too.
Decide what you want out of the relationship. Determining this can help you decide how much to reveal about your past.
Ultimately, how much you decide to divulge is up to you.
Jill told listeners to show who they really are. She also has more tips:
Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not, so when you’re talking about your past, don’t downplay or exaggerate.
Be a good listener when your partner is telling you about his or her past. You’ll likely learn a lot about what you can and cannot tolerate long-term.
Above all, establish open communication lines, whether it’s talking about your past or present. Secrets usually come to light at some point, but try not to overwhelm someone you’ve just met by telling him or her everything. Pace yourself.
How much do you think is too much to divulge about your past? Has this ever been an issue for you? Leave your answers in the comments section. Thanks and keep listening. We appreciate your support.
We thank you for listening to our podcast. You have helped us rank in the top 50% of podcasts about relationships. We have big goals, however, and our next goal is to make it into the top 20%. Please help us by telling those you know who like podcasts.
In this week’s episode, we discussed many reasons why some people cheat, and their partners stay with them.
We both urged listeners to be honest with themselves and their partners about the situation.
Tony also has some other tips to offer:
If you are a person that cheats on your partner. Take a moment to try to figure out why.
Also think about the person you’re cheating on. How would you feel if they cheated on you? If you don’t care how it affects your partner emotionally, please try to be nice enough to let them go, if they don’t have the strength to leave you.
Please, please, please, if you are the person that’s being cheated on, find the strength to leave them. You are worth more than that, you deserve better than that. Love yourself.
Jill also has some advice for listeners:
If you find that partner after partner cheats on you, try to determine why.
If you end a relationship because your partner cheats on you, don’t feel like you have to tell everyone or anyone. Some so-called friends have a tendency to make you feel worse about it. So, only tell others if it makes you feel better to release the truth.
Don’t try to change a cheater. You only have control of yourself.
Have you ever cheated on someone or been in a relationship with a cheater? How did that relationship play out? Leave your comments below. Don’t forget to catch up on any missed episodes.
In this week’s episode, Jill and Tony compromised on Tony’s idea to spend time in the country for an entire month.
Tony suggested that you keep an open mind if you have a partner who encourages you to try new things. You may even enjoy yourself.
He also has other advice:
Avoid getting stuck in a rut doing the same things. Try to do something you didn’t think you would like.
Embrace finding the many ways to add joy to your life.
Understand that your partner may be able to see what will make you happy before you do.
During the episode, Jill suggested that you try things at least once, but with the understanding that it’s okay if you don’t enjoy it enough to ever do it again.
She has other tips:
Stay true to who you are. Your trying something your partner likes doesn’t mean you have to stop doing what you enjoy.
Retain your identity. Sometimes it’s easy to get lost in your identity as a couple. Remember that you are individuals, too.
Don’t be afraid to compromise. When done right, both partners win.
Has your partner pushed you to do something you didn’t really want to do? How did you resolve that situation? Leave your answers in the comments section. Also tell us what topics you’d like to see us cover. Don’t forget to subscribe.
In this week’s episode, Jill and Tony agreed that in order to grow, we all must do things outside of our comfort zones.
Jill has additional advice:
If you find yourself reluctant to try new things, truly weigh the pros against the cons.
Try at least one new thing a month.
If you’re in a relationship, chances are that you have separate interests. If you try something your partner enjoys, it can open up many possibilities for you and increase the bond the two of you have.
Tony has some suggestions, too.
It’s a great idea to take risks while in a relationship, especially if you take risks together.
There are all types of risk, of course. Take ones that move you out of your comfort zone.
Some risks can be dangerous, like skydiving, or scrubber driving, or maybe riding a motorcycle at 130 mph. Those may make you feel alive. Whatever risks you decide to take, try to do it with your partner before the end of the year.
What risks have you taken lately? What do you do to get yourself out of your comfort zone? Leave your answers in the comments section. Don’t forget to subscribe and listen to previous episodes, if you aren’t caught up on listening to our podcast.
In this week’s episode, Jill said to avoid dwelling on labels or titles that others give you.
Instead, she suggests doing the following:
Understand that you will encounter people who will call you something besides your name. Determine why they did it. Chances are they are just joking. If they aren’t, tell them how you feel.
Realize that some people just want to give you nicknames. Feel free to return the favor.
Know who you are, so that you can tell and show others when you need to do so.
In this week’s episode, Tony told listeners to not tell their partner if they were called a name that would make the other one seem demanding or bossy.
He has other tips, too:
Titles can mean a lot to some people while in a relationship, so if someone gives you a nickname that makes them and you smile, accept it. It’s all in fun.
Be able to laugh at yourself and to laugh with others about yourself. Try not to take everything so seriously.
Life is too special and short to worry about little things. Try loving one another.
Have you experienced the same situation that Tony and Jill described. If so, what did you do about it? Leave your answers in the comments section. Don’t forget to subscribe and catch up on listening to our podcast.
In this episode, there was no real debate. Instead, we discussed what we needed and wanted in a partner when we met. We also offered advice for you because you know, that’s what we do.
Tony told listeners to not rush into a relationship.
He also has the following suggestions:
Make sure that you are happy with yourself first. Another person will never be able to keep you happy, unless you are already happy.
Take your time. Make sure that you have many things in common, and that you have a physical and love attraction for each other. The right person for you should also be your best friend.
Be yourself. If you can’t be your true self around the person that you think is the right person you, this is a clear sign that you’re not with the right person. They are not your soul mate.
Jill also told listeners to not change who they are to attract someone.
She also has other tips:
Be honest with yourself about the things you can tolerate for the rest of your life.
Do not make everything a deal breaker.
Recognize that no one, including you, is perfect.
Who is your ideal partner? If you’re in a relationship, how did you know they’re the one? What topics would you like to hear us debate? Leave your responses in the comments section. Don’t forget to subscribe, if you haven’t already.
In this week’s podcast, Tony and Jill agreed that you should be able to have a relationship with a person who is of the sex that you’re attracted to. Of course, sometimes issues arise if someone feels that their relationship is threatened.
Jill advised listeners to communicate with each other if one felt uncomfortable with a friendship the other one has.
She has other tips:
Be aware of who your friends really are.
Listen to and respect your partner’s concern if he or she has a problem with your friend. You may be too close to the situation to truly see what is happening.
Don’t be afraid to drop a friend if you find that he or she is toxic to you or your relationship.
Tony advised people to stay aware of people who may have ulterior motives.
He has more thoughts on the topic:
It can be easier to have this kind of friendship if you grew up with the person in question, and you never developed any romantic feelings for each other.
If you develop a friendship with a person that you met at your job, be honest with your partner about it. Otherwise, this scenario often ends badly for both people.
Be honest with your partner and your friend from the start.
Have you tried any of these tips? What worked for you? Leave your answers in the comments section.
In this episode, Tony and Jill actually agreed that age differences should not matter, as long as one isn’t in a position of power over the other. In fact, Tony urged listeners to not pursue their professor.
He had other thoughts as well on the topic:
An age difference in a relationship shouldn’t matter as long as the two of you are equally yoked and love each other.
If one person is 18, and the other is 45, this is probably a case where age matters. The 18-year-old brain is not developed enough to understand what they are truly getting into. This also applies to teacher and student relationships.
Older women with younger men can be a good thing if they’re both looking for the same thing. But older men with women that are 40 years younger may not be a good thing. In this case, each person is in the relationship for different reasons. They may say they’re in love, but what kind of love is it? Time will tell.
Jill said that if you find you’re compatible with someone, don’t let an age difference stop you from seeing where the relationship will go, unless, of course, one has power over the other.
She had other thoughts, too:
If you find yourself consistently attracted to someone older, but the relationship never works out, don’t be afraid to date someone who is younger or your age. Remember that you cannot expect different results, if you keep doing the same thing.
Stay open to seeing who people really are. Often, all is not what it seems.
Determine why you and your partner want to be in the relationship. Some just want to have fun, while others want a commitment. Make sure the two of you are on the same page.
Do you believe that age is just a number when it comes to relationships? Why or why not? Leave your answers in the comments section.
In this week’s episode, Tony admitted that he often blames Jill for things that aren’t her fault. By the end of the episode, he told listeners to try to change that habit, if they, too, often blame others for everything. He offered other advice:
Consider how blame affects your partner. Adjust accordingly.
Choose your words wisely with everyone, but especially when you feel the need to accuse your partner of something.
If you’re lucky, your partner may understand that you just don’t know how to properly ask a question.
During the episode, Jill conceded that she knows that Tony does not mean any harm when he accuses her of things she had nothing to do with; she’s learned to tolerate it. She has other tips as well:
Remember that words and tone both matter.
Train people to treat you the way you wanted to be treated.
Let your partners know your deal breakers early in your relationship.
What advice do you have? Leave your responses in the comments section.
In this week’s episode, Jill encouraged listeners to be who they are. She told everyone that if they feel moved to cry, then there is no shame in doing so. Tony agreed, but added that everyone, especially men, need to be selective about where they are seen crying.
Tony had more thoughts on the topic for men:
There appears to be a double standard for men and women when it comes to crying, and that’s sad. Maybe one day it will be okay for men to cry whenever they feel the need to do so.
With that said, it is fine if a man cries at a funeral or if he cries because someone hurt him or his feelings.
If you find yourself crying all the time for no apparent reason, you might be depressed. Please seek professional help.
Jill has more to say as well:
Yes, crying can indeed be a sign of depression. Do not be ashamed to talk to a professional about it.
Remember that crying can also indicate that you are a human who can be moved.
If you feel the need to cry at work, excuse yourself and do it privately. Otherwise, that can work against you. Also if work brings you to a breaking point often, you may want to consider finding another job or career.
Do you believe it’s okay if men and women cry? What advice do you have to offer? Please leave your comments and response in the comments section.
In this week’s episode, Jill and Tony actually agreed that you should be who you are, instead of being someone you’re not, a fake.
Tony had more to add:
If you find yourself fighting often with your partner, try talking to each other. Tell them what you love about them, but also voice your concerns. Consider talking to a relationship expert together. If all fails, be courageous and leave the relationship.
If you are a single person, look for someone who is your friend and your lover.
Do not settle for anyone. Take your time to find the right match for you.
Jill also has some advice:
Do not dwell on what others say about you or your relationships. This is your life, your business, not theirs.
In the words of Maya Angelou, “If someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”
Remember that no one is perfect, including you. Recognize what you can tolerate in others, and what your deal breakers are. Give them a chance to do the same with your flaws.
Do you ever get accused of being fake? How have you handled that situation? Leave your comments. We’d love it if you subscribed, too.
During this week’s podcast, Jill advised listeners to only volunteer to do what they truly enjoy tackling. If the project turns out to be much more labor than expected, push through and maybe tell the person all that you did to complete the project at a later date.
Tony also urged listeners to keep volunteering if they like doing it. He said that if you find the need to complain, it’s okay to do it every now and then, but complain to yourself.
Here are more do’s and don’ts from Tony:
If you have never volunteered before, try it. You may find it rewarding.
Don’t take on too much. Be sure to always make time to do the things you enjoy doing for yourself.
Service with a smile is always best. Yes, that project may be more work than you anticipated, but complain to yourself, not them.
Jill also has more advice:
Don’t volunteer for the sake of volunteering. Do it because you truly want to help others.
Learn to say no without remorse. When people know your abilities, they may often ask you to utilize them for free. If you find yourself stretched too thin or are more aware of how much they are asking you to do than they realize, talk it out. Maybe even ask for help. If they still consider it a one-person job, just say “no.” They will always find someone else to do it.
If volunteering feels like more work than your actual job, then recognize that you are either doing too much or maybe you need to volunteer elsewhere.
Do you do volunteer work? How much is too much? Should you complain? Leave your responses in the comments section. Don’t forget to subscribe.
In this week’s episode, it took awhile, but Tony finally came around to Jill’s stance. He told the audience to listen to their partner, whereas Jill suggested that as well, but also advised listeners to follow it up with action.
Tony had more tips, of course:
Be open to compromise. Talk it out.
If you are unable to easily reach a compromise, consider giving in. A great relationship isn’t worth a small issue that escalates into a full-fledged argument.
If you find that you and partner argue a lot anyway, then you may need the help of a therapist. There’s no shame in seeking help when you need it.
Jill also has more advice:
Know the difference between hearing your partner and active listening. The latter often prevents arguments.
Don’t make everything a battle. If the topic is small to you, let your partner have his/her way.
Respect creativity. Often, it is an outlet to de-stress.
Are you and your partner both creative? How do you navigate? Leave your responses in the comments section. Please remember to subscribe.
In this week’s episode, Jill and Tony agreed! Their tips even echoed each other. For example, Tony urged listeners to take as many vacations as they can afford. “Unplug,” he said.
Jill added that if you or your partner are workaholics, then you definitely need to listen to the one who’s not and take time to relax your mind and body. “Your health needs it,” she said.
Tony offered more tips:
Do not take any work calls or respond to emails, while you are on vacation.
Consider going to state or national parks for an affordable destination.
Allow the less expensive vacation find you. There are often deals for those who wait to book at the last minute.
Jill has more advice for workaholics:
Consider that vacation time with your loved ones is a chance for you to bond and reconnect. You need this to maintain a healthy relationship.
If you fear losing your job while you’re gone on vacation, then accept that you need to find another place to work. That type of workplace culture is not healthy for you. Look for that new job once you return from vacation.
If you end up going on a staycation, make the most of it by doing something each day that makes you feel like you’re on vacation. In fact, it doesn’t hurt to do that each day, regardless of whether you are officially on vacation or not.
Have you tried any of these tips? How often do you go on vacation? Leave your answers in the comments section. Don’t forget to subscribe.
During our podcast, Tony advised you to cherish when your partner says she/better knows than you know yourself because they are often just trying to encourage you.
Per usual, he has other tips for you:
Try to remember that your partner might be able to see something in you, that you can’t see. It could be something positive, or it might be something negative. Try not to become angry, if they have something negative to point out about you.
If you have to let your partner know about something that they say or do that is negative, be sure to point out something positive about them first. It will go a long way in ensuring that you have a happy and loving relationship.
Be sure you tell your partner the things you love about them, as often as possible. Both women and men love to hear that they are loved and appreciated.
Meanwhile, during the podcast, Jill said you should try to see your partner’s talents and then support those abilities. Uplift each other because you’re better together.
She also has more advice:
Just as you should strive to see each other, also know, as Maya Angelou once said, that when a person shows who he/she really is, believe him/her.
Be willing to help your partner and also be helped.
Express gratitude daily that you are glad your partner is in your life.
What suggestions do you have to add? Leave your answers in the comments section. Subscribe to our blog, so that you don’t miss any.
In our podcast, Jill advised you to respect your partner’s emotions, especially when they are angry.
She also has more tips:
Express what you’re feeling with love. If you yell and scream to show your anger, your partner may not truly hear you.
Be open to your partner’s response, if he or she offers a reason for their actions that got you upset in the first place. Maybe it’s all a misunderstanding about intention.
Don’t make everything a battle. Ask yourself if the issue is something you can tolerate or is it really worth an argument.
During our podcast, Tony also finally–finally–admitted that laughter probably isn’t the best immediate response to your partner’s anger. In fact, he now realizes that laughing can make your partner get even more upset with you.
He has three more tips to avoid that:
Be empathetic and sympathetic when your partner is upset with you.
Give your partner time to see the humor in the situation. When that happens, laughter is a good thing.
Continue to love each other. Understand that anger often isn’t worth the negative energy that comes with it.
Are you willing to try our advice? What has worked for you in the past? Post your answers in the comments section.
In this week’s podcast, Tony and Jill kept using words that can be detrimental to a relationship like “mine” and “yours.” Jill said that you can still use those words and keep the peace as long as you also define what “ours” means to you and your partner.
Her other advice expands upon that idea:
Recognize and respect all three categories of mine, yours, and ours. Yes, you may be a couple, but you’re still individuals, too, possibly with different interests and goals.
Cheer each other on with genuine enthusiasm
Realize that a win for your partner is a win for you, too
In keeping with the swag theme, Tony said that if people want to be kind to you, respond with “thank you” and enjoy whatever they give you.
He has more suggestions along those lines:
Understand that it’s fine to accept swag or maybe even a gift, as long as the giver doesn’t want something inappropriate from you in return
Consider declining swag or a gift if it makes your partner uncomfortable
If you do accept swag or a gift, make sure you share it with your partner. That way, everybody is happy.
What is your opinion about accepting swag you didn’t earn? Who do you think won this podcast debate? Leave us your thoughts in the comments section.
In this podcast, Tony and Jill were more serious than usual because the dangers of riding a motorcycle were discussed.
If you listened to the end, however, you know that their relationship advice was on the comical side. For example, Tony said that while he believes in compromising, sometimes you just have to stand your ground. Jill, on the other hand, urged listeners to offer compromises to their partners, but said that if they don’t take it, then “Oh well.”
The two still have other tips to offer if you and your partner are trying to agree on something.
Here are Jill’s tips:
Listen, listen, listen
Don’t be afraid to state why you don’t agree, but say it with love.
Empathize with your partner. If you put yourself in the other’s shoes, you may view the situation differently.
Here are Tony’s tips:
At least try to compromise, if you are in a relationship
Try to understand your partner’s concern
Remember who you are. Do you feel like a piece of yourself would die if you gave up something you love doing? If so, that’s the time to stand your ground, but don’t let it destroy your relationship. Keep loving each other.
Have you tried any of these tips? What is your process for compromising? Leave your comments.
In this podcast, Tony and Jill agreed on their relationship advice: Respect the other’s stuff and boundaries. Don’t just automatically throw things away.
Whew! Now that we got that straight, let’s review Jill’s advice on how to gain or maintain a healthy relationship:
Keep your identity. Often when people get into relationships, they stop being who they are. Don’t do that. It’s fine, of course, to act as one and do things as a couple , but if you don’t have all the same interests, that’s acceptable, too.
Allow yourself some space from each other every now and then. For example, Tony has the basement to go to without Jill following him there. As you heard in the podcast, Jill’s working on getting her own creative space, too.
Make it a priority each day to spend time together in the same room. That’s what we do each evening before bedtime.
Tony has some suggestions as well:
Remember that you and your partner are both individuals. Respect them, their space, and their belongings.
Do not get angry just because they placed their things some place that you wouldn’t. Instead, calmly talk about it. You’ll likely compromise, which means a win-win situation.
If it looks like your partner is becoming a hoarder, seek professional help.
Does your partner have a problem with respecting boundaries and/or your things? What do you do about it? Leave us your comments.
In this podcast, Tony and Jill had a first: Tony actually admitted that Jill was right! They both even gave the same advice to just stop saying or doing something that the other person in your relationship doesn’t like.
Both have other relationship advice. Here are Tony’s tips:
If you are married, do the type of things you did with your partner when you were dating. You might find that you enjoy it even more now, than when you were dating.
Keep your relationship fresh and fun.
Remember that what is most important is their happiness and yours.
Here are Jill’s suggestions:
Don’t be afraid to speak up if your partner is saying something that bothers you. You don’t have to yell or scream, but don’t let it fester.
Give the person a chance to explain what they meant by what they said. You may have misunderstood.
If it is a misunderstanding, laugh about it together later. It will make you both realize that not everything is a battle and how far you’ve grown as a couple together.
Do you agree with any of these tips? What do you do when your loved one says something you don’t like? Leave your comments.
In our podcast, Tony advised those of you who feel a need to talk to people to do it with positivity; do not insert negativity into it at all. Jill agreed with that, but suggested that the best way to do that is to stay out of other people’s business anyway.
That discussion led to the two coming up with more tips. Here are Tony’s:
Make sure you’re happy with yourself before you butt into another person’s life. If you give advice when you’re not happy with yourself, you will probably give them bad advice.
If you are indeed an instigator, accept that, but also understand that nothing good will ever happen if you instigate in a negative way.
Assess the situation and the people you approach. Sometimes it is best to just stay out of other people’s business.
Jill agreed with Tony’s last tip, of course. Here are her other tips:
Remember that everyone has a certain timeline and way they want to do things. Just because you wouldn’t do it how and when they would doesn’t mean their approach is wrong.
Spend more time determining how to improve yourself, not everyone else’s life. Chances are they didn’t ask for or need your help.
If they do ask for your input, give them your honest opinion without being harsh or critical of who they are.
So, do you have an instigator in your relationship? Is Tony an instigator? Please leave your comments.
In our podcast, Jill said to not call or make the other person in your relationship feel like a flunky. She does not believe anyone should be called that.
Instead, she has other tips for those who want to gain or maintain a healthy and happy relationship:
She mentioned it earlier in the podcast, but to reiterate, admit when the other person is right, even if that is true only a few times. The other person will still appreciate your acknowledging those rare occasions.
Recognize each of your strengths and weaknesses, then work to enhance or complement each other. Chances are you’ll become better together. Teamwork.
Respect each other’s roles and positions in the relationship. No one should feel inferior.
Tony told you to accept your partner’s words that you are not a flunky. He has some other good advice, too:
It is not always that important to prove that you’re right. Yes, we do it often enough, but we don’t take our disagreements that seriously.
Consider that you might be wrong…even though you believe you’re right.
Above all, remember that all of these small disagreements don’t matter in the big picture of life. Loving one another is more important than all else.
What tips do you have for those who are trying to determine which roles to embrace in their relationship? Let us know in the Comments section.
In this week’s podcast, Jill advised listeners, especially those in a new relationship, to avoid changing a person. She said that if you feel the need to do that, then that person probably isn’t the right one for you.
To elaborate on that thought, she has more tips:
As Maya Angelou said, “If someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” If that is someone you do not like or cannot tolerate, move forward in your life without that person in it.
Speaking of tolerating people, remember that no one is perfect. Assess if you can tolerate the things they do that drive you crazy or whether it is truly a deal breaker.
Understand that you cannot–or should not–try to change a person’s personality. Trying to get them to change bad habits, however, is an acceptable practice.
In our podcast, Tony talked about the importance of listening, not letting your ego get in the way of hearing.
To expand upon that, he has more advice:
When you are truly listening, you can work together. Do that on all things that you can.
Find someone that you believe is a little better–whatever way you define that–than you. You can only become stronger and better together.
It is essential that you are actually in love with the person you’re with and that they are your best friend. Just loving a person isn’t enough. It’s hard to have a happy, long-lasting, loving relationship if you’re not truly in love. Apply the golden rule: love and respect your mate the way you want to be loved and respected.
What advice do you have for maintaining a relationship? Tell us in the comments section.