In this week’s episode, Tony admitted that he often blames Jill for things that aren’t her fault. By the end of the episode, he told listeners to try to change that habit, if they, too, often blame others for everything. He offered other advice:
Consider how blame affects your partner. Adjust accordingly.
Choose your words wisely with everyone, but especially when you feel the need to accuse your partner of something.
If you’re lucky, your partner may understand that you just don’t know how to properly ask a question.
During the episode, Jill conceded that she knows that Tony does not mean any harm when he accuses her of things she had nothing to do with; she’s learned to tolerate it. She has other tips as well:
Remember that words and tone both matter.
Train people to treat you the way you wanted to be treated.
Let your partners know your deal breakers early in your relationship.
What advice do you have? Leave your responses in the comments section.
In this week’s episode, Jill encouraged listeners to be who they are. She told everyone that if they feel moved to cry, then there is no shame in doing so. Tony agreed, but added that everyone, especially men, need to be selective about where they are seen crying.
Tony had more thoughts on the topic for men:
There appears to be a double standard for men and women when it comes to crying, and that’s sad. Maybe one day it will be okay for men to cry whenever they feel the need to do so.
With that said, it is fine if a man cries at a funeral or if he cries because someone hurt him or his feelings.
If you find yourself crying all the time for no apparent reason, you might be depressed. Please seek professional help.
Jill has more to say as well:
Yes, crying can indeed be a sign of depression. Do not be ashamed to talk to a professional about it.
Remember that crying can also indicate that you are a human who can be moved.
If you feel the need to cry at work, excuse yourself and do it privately. Otherwise, that can work against you. Also if work brings you to a breaking point often, you may want to consider finding another job or career.
Do you believe it’s okay if men and women cry? What advice do you have to offer? Please leave your comments and response in the comments section.
In this week’s episode, Jill and Tony actually agreed that you should be who you are, instead of being someone you’re not, a fake.
Tony had more to add:
If you find yourself fighting often with your partner, try talking to each other. Tell them what you love about them, but also voice your concerns. Consider talking to a relationship expert together. If all fails, be courageous and leave the relationship.
If you are a single person, look for someone who is your friend and your lover.
Do not settle for anyone. Take your time to find the right match for you.
Jill also has some advice:
Do not dwell on what others say about you or your relationships. This is your life, your business, not theirs.
In the words of Maya Angelou, “If someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”
Remember that no one is perfect, including you. Recognize what you can tolerate in others, and what your deal breakers are. Give them a chance to do the same with your flaws.
Do you ever get accused of being fake? How have you handled that situation? Leave your comments. We’d love it if you subscribed, too.
During this week’s podcast, Jill advised listeners to only volunteer to do what they truly enjoy tackling. If the project turns out to be much more labor than expected, push through and maybe tell the person all that you did to complete the project at a later date.
Tony also urged listeners to keep volunteering if they like doing it. He said that if you find the need to complain, it’s okay to do it every now and then, but complain to yourself.
Here are more do’s and don’ts from Tony:
If you have never volunteered before, try it. You may find it rewarding.
Don’t take on too much. Be sure to always make time to do the things you enjoy doing for yourself.
Service with a smile is always best. Yes, that project may be more work than you anticipated, but complain to yourself, not them.
Jill also has more advice:
Don’t volunteer for the sake of volunteering. Do it because you truly want to help others.
Learn to say no without remorse. When people know your abilities, they may often ask you to utilize them for free. If you find yourself stretched too thin or are more aware of how much they are asking you to do than they realize, talk it out. Maybe even ask for help. If they still consider it a one-person job, just say “no.” They will always find someone else to do it.
If volunteering feels like more work than your actual job, then recognize that you are either doing too much or maybe you need to volunteer elsewhere.
Do you do volunteer work? How much is too much? Should you complain? Leave your responses in the comments section. Don’t forget to subscribe.
In this week’s episode, it took awhile, but Tony finally came around to Jill’s stance. He told the audience to listen to their partner, whereas Jill suggested that as well, but also advised listeners to follow it up with action.
Tony had more tips, of course:
Be open to compromise. Talk it out.
If you are unable to easily reach a compromise, consider giving in. A great relationship isn’t worth a small issue that escalates into a full-fledged argument.
If you find that you and partner argue a lot anyway, then you may need the help of a therapist. There’s no shame in seeking help when you need it.
Jill also has more advice:
Know the difference between hearing your partner and active listening. The latter often prevents arguments.
Don’t make everything a battle. If the topic is small to you, let your partner have his/her way.
Respect creativity. Often, it is an outlet to de-stress.
Are you and your partner both creative? How do you navigate? Leave your responses in the comments section. Please remember to subscribe.
In this week’s episode, Jill and Tony agreed! Their tips even echoed each other. For example, Tony urged listeners to take as many vacations as they can afford. “Unplug,” he said.
Jill added that if you or your partner are workaholics, then you definitely need to listen to the one who’s not and take time to relax your mind and body. “Your health needs it,” she said.
Tony offered more tips:
Do not take any work calls or respond to emails, while you are on vacation.
Consider going to state or national parks for an affordable destination.
Allow the less expensive vacation find you. There are often deals for those who wait to book at the last minute.
Jill has more advice for workaholics:
Consider that vacation time with your loved ones is a chance for you to bond and reconnect. You need this to maintain a healthy relationship.
If you fear losing your job while you’re gone on vacation, then accept that you need to find another place to work. That type of workplace culture is not healthy for you. Look for that new job once you return from vacation.
If you end up going on a staycation, make the most of it by doing something each day that makes you feel like you’re on vacation. In fact, it doesn’t hurt to do that each day, regardless of whether you are officially on vacation or not.
Have you tried any of these tips? How often do you go on vacation? Leave your answers in the comments section. Don’t forget to subscribe.
During our podcast, Tony advised you to cherish when your partner says she/better knows than you know yourself because they are often just trying to encourage you.
Per usual, he has other tips for you:
Try to remember that your partner might be able to see something in you, that you can’t see. It could be something positive, or it might be something negative. Try not to become angry, if they have something negative to point out about you.
If you have to let your partner know about something that they say or do that is negative, be sure to point out something positive about them first. It will go a long way in ensuring that you have a happy and loving relationship.
Be sure you tell your partner the things you love about them, as often as possible. Both women and men love to hear that they are loved and appreciated.
Meanwhile, during the podcast, Jill said you should try to see your partner’s talents and then support those abilities. Uplift each other because you’re better together.
She also has more advice:
Just as you should strive to see each other, also know, as Maya Angelou once said, that when a person shows who he/she really is, believe him/her.
Be willing to help your partner and also be helped.
Express gratitude daily that you are glad your partner is in your life.
What suggestions do you have to add? Leave your answers in the comments section. Subscribe to our blog, so that you don’t miss any.
In our podcast, Jill advised you to respect your partner’s emotions, especially when they are angry.
She also has more tips:
Express what you’re feeling with love. If you yell and scream to show your anger, your partner may not truly hear you.
Be open to your partner’s response, if he or she offers a reason for their actions that got you upset in the first place. Maybe it’s all a misunderstanding about intention.
Don’t make everything a battle. Ask yourself if the issue is something you can tolerate or is it really worth an argument.
During our podcast, Tony also finally–finally–admitted that laughter probably isn’t the best immediate response to your partner’s anger. In fact, he now realizes that laughing can make your partner get even more upset with you.
He has three more tips to avoid that:
Be empathetic and sympathetic when your partner is upset with you.
Give your partner time to see the humor in the situation. When that happens, laughter is a good thing.
Continue to love each other. Understand that anger often isn’t worth the negative energy that comes with it.
Are you willing to try our advice? What has worked for you in the past? Post your answers in the comments section.
In this week’s podcast, Tony and Jill kept using words that can be detrimental to a relationship like “mine” and “yours.” Jill said that you can still use those words and keep the peace as long as you also define what “ours” means to you and your partner.
Her other advice expands upon that idea:
Recognize and respect all three categories of mine, yours, and ours. Yes, you may be a couple, but you’re still individuals, too, possibly with different interests and goals.
Cheer each other on with genuine enthusiasm
Realize that a win for your partner is a win for you, too
In keeping with the swag theme, Tony said that if people want to be kind to you, respond with “thank you” and enjoy whatever they give you.
He has more suggestions along those lines:
Understand that it’s fine to accept swag or maybe even a gift, as long as the giver doesn’t want something inappropriate from you in return
Consider declining swag or a gift if it makes your partner uncomfortable
If you do accept swag or a gift, make sure you share it with your partner. That way, everybody is happy.
What is your opinion about accepting swag you didn’t earn? Who do you think won this podcast debate? Leave us your thoughts in the comments section.
In this podcast, Tony and Jill were more serious than usual because the dangers of riding a motorcycle were discussed.
If you listened to the end, however, you know that their relationship advice was on the comical side. For example, Tony said that while he believes in compromising, sometimes you just have to stand your ground. Jill, on the other hand, urged listeners to offer compromises to their partners, but said that if they don’t take it, then “Oh well.”
The two still have other tips to offer if you and your partner are trying to agree on something.
Here are Jill’s tips:
Listen, listen, listen
Don’t be afraid to state why you don’t agree, but say it with love.
Empathize with your partner. If you put yourself in the other’s shoes, you may view the situation differently.
Here are Tony’s tips:
At least try to compromise, if you are in a relationship
Try to understand your partner’s concern
Remember who you are. Do you feel like a piece of yourself would die if you gave up something you love doing? If so, that’s the time to stand your ground, but don’t let it destroy your relationship. Keep loving each other.
Have you tried any of these tips? What is your process for compromising? Leave your comments.
In this podcast, Tony and Jill agreed on their relationship advice: Respect the other’s stuff and boundaries. Don’t just automatically throw things away.
Whew! Now that we got that straight, let’s review Jill’s advice on how to gain or maintain a healthy relationship:
Keep your identity. Often when people get into relationships, they stop being who they are. Don’t do that. It’s fine, of course, to act as one and do things as a couple , but if you don’t have all the same interests, that’s acceptable, too.
Allow yourself some space from each other every now and then. For example, Tony has the basement to go to without Jill following him there. As you heard in the podcast, Jill’s working on getting her own creative space, too.
Make it a priority each day to spend time together in the same room. That’s what we do each evening before bedtime.
Tony has some suggestions as well:
Remember that you and your partner are both individuals. Respect them, their space, and their belongings.
Do not get angry just because they placed their things some place that you wouldn’t. Instead, calmly talk about it. You’ll likely compromise, which means a win-win situation.
If it looks like your partner is becoming a hoarder, seek professional help.
Does your partner have a problem with respecting boundaries and/or your things? What do you do about it? Leave us your comments.
In this podcast, Tony and Jill had a first: Tony actually admitted that Jill was right! They both even gave the same advice to just stop saying or doing something that the other person in your relationship doesn’t like.
Both have other relationship advice. Here are Tony’s tips:
If you are married, do the type of things you did with your partner when you were dating. You might find that you enjoy it even more now, than when you were dating.
Keep your relationship fresh and fun.
Remember that what is most important is their happiness and yours.
Here are Jill’s suggestions:
Don’t be afraid to speak up if your partner is saying something that bothers you. You don’t have to yell or scream, but don’t let it fester.
Give the person a chance to explain what they meant by what they said. You may have misunderstood.
If it is a misunderstanding, laugh about it together later. It will make you both realize that not everything is a battle and how far you’ve grown as a couple together.
Do you agree with any of these tips? What do you do when your loved one says something you don’t like? Leave your comments.
In our podcast, Tony advised those of you who feel a need to talk to people to do it with positivity; do not insert negativity into it at all. Jill agreed with that, but suggested that the best way to do that is to stay out of other people’s business anyway.
That discussion led to the two coming up with more tips. Here are Tony’s:
Make sure you’re happy with yourself before you butt into another person’s life. If you give advice when you’re not happy with yourself, you will probably give them bad advice.
If you are indeed an instigator, accept that, but also understand that nothing good will ever happen if you instigate in a negative way.
Assess the situation and the people you approach. Sometimes it is best to just stay out of other people’s business.
Jill agreed with Tony’s last tip, of course. Here are her other tips:
Remember that everyone has a certain timeline and way they want to do things. Just because you wouldn’t do it how and when they would doesn’t mean their approach is wrong.
Spend more time determining how to improve yourself, not everyone else’s life. Chances are they didn’t ask for or need your help.
If they do ask for your input, give them your honest opinion without being harsh or critical of who they are.
So, do you have an instigator in your relationship? Is Tony an instigator? Please leave your comments.
In our podcast, Jill said to not call or make the other person in your relationship feel like a flunky. She does not believe anyone should be called that.
Instead, she has other tips for those who want to gain or maintain a healthy and happy relationship:
She mentioned it earlier in the podcast, but to reiterate, admit when the other person is right, even if that is true only a few times. The other person will still appreciate your acknowledging those rare occasions.
Recognize each of your strengths and weaknesses, then work to enhance or complement each other. Chances are you’ll become better together. Teamwork.
Respect each other’s roles and positions in the relationship. No one should feel inferior.
Tony told you to accept your partner’s words that you are not a flunky. He has some other good advice, too:
It is not always that important to prove that you’re right. Yes, we do it often enough, but we don’t take our disagreements that seriously.
Consider that you might be wrong…even though you believe you’re right.
Above all, remember that all of these small disagreements don’t matter in the big picture of life. Loving one another is more important than all else.
What tips do you have for those who are trying to determine which roles to embrace in their relationship? Let us know in the Comments section.
In this week’s podcast, Jill advised listeners, especially those in a new relationship, to avoid changing a person. She said that if you feel the need to do that, then that person probably isn’t the right one for you.
To elaborate on that thought, she has more tips:
As Maya Angelou said, “If someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” If that is someone you do not like or cannot tolerate, move forward in your life without that person in it.
Speaking of tolerating people, remember that no one is perfect. Assess if you can tolerate the things they do that drive you crazy or whether it is truly a deal breaker.
Understand that you cannot–or should not–try to change a person’s personality. Trying to get them to change bad habits, however, is an acceptable practice.
In our podcast, Tony talked about the importance of listening, not letting your ego get in the way of hearing.
To expand upon that, he has more advice:
When you are truly listening, you can work together. Do that on all things that you can.
Find someone that you believe is a little better–whatever way you define that–than you. You can only become stronger and better together.
It is essential that you are actually in love with the person you’re with and that they are your best friend. Just loving a person isn’t enough. It’s hard to have a happy, long-lasting, loving relationship if you’re not truly in love. Apply the golden rule: love and respect your mate the way you want to be loved and respected.
What advice do you have for maintaining a relationship? Tell us in the comments section.