advice

Episode 23: Who’s the Boss in Your Relationship?

Producer: Jill Cox-Cordova
Tech Op/Editor: Anthony Cordova
Music: Gifford Ivan Cordova III
Podcast Art: Nick Zinkie
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In All Seriousness

Split Roles Evenly

In this week’s episode, Tony told listeners that if they have a partner who thinks he/she/they are not bossy, then go ahead and let them believe it.

He also offered more tips:

  • Understand that every relationship is different. If one person is indeed the boss, and both people are fine with it, then all is well.
  • If both people are bossy, however, it doesn’t work because there cannot be two bosses in one household.
  • Both parties need to talk over all larger issues together. Strive to reach a wise discussion that is best for both of them.

Meanwhile, Jill told listeners that if one person needs the other to be the one in control, that’s fine, too. Know and understand each other’s needs.

She had other thoughts on the topic as well:

  • Understand that there are times to be the leader and times to be the follower. Many of the best relationships work because both parties understand that and assume and alternate their roles as needed.
  • Pay attention to how someone treats you before marriage. If you think that person is too bossy for you then, know that marriage does not fix that.
  • Remember that you can change someone’s bad behavior, but if you feel the need to change a person’s personality, you are with the wrong person.

Do you agree with these tips? Is there a clear boss in your relationship? Leave your answers in the comments section.

Episode 22: When Your Partner is More Likeable Than You

Producer: Jill Cox-Cordova
Tech Op/Editor: Anthony Cordova
Music: Gifford Ivan Cordova III
Podcast Art: Nick Zinkie

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In All Seriousness

Does Likeability Matter?

In this week’s episode, Tony advised listeners to be yourself. You can certainly strive for being liked, but you should remain authentic to who you really are.

So, does it matter if one partner is more likeable than the other?

Tony had the following to say on the topic:

  • No, it doesn’t matter. Just be happy that you are with someone that’s likeable
  • Look within yourself if your partner’s likeability bothers you. Perhaps the real issue is that there is something that you don’t like about yourself.
  • Be happy with yourself and your partner. This will go a long way in creating a loving and lasting relationship.

Jill agrees that it doesn’t matter who is more likeable. In fact, she urged listeners to move forward instead of trying to get people to like them.

She has more tips:

  • Accept that sometimes you will encounter people who will not like you, no matter what you say or do
  • Remind yourself from time to time about why you liked your mate in the first place
  • Do not change your personality for anybody.

Is your partner more likeable than you? Do you care? Have you ever tried any of these tips? Leave your answers in the comments section.

Episode 21: Do Age Gaps Matter?

Producer: Jill Cox-Cordova
Tech Op/Editor: Anthony Cordova
Music: Gifford Ivan Cordova III
Podcast Art: Nick Zinkie

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In All Seriousness

Age: Just a number?

In this episode, Tony and Jill actually agreed that age differences should not matter, as long as one isn’t in a position of power over the other. In fact, Tony urged listeners to not pursue their professor.

He had other thoughts as well on the topic:

  • An age difference in a relationship shouldn’t matter as long as the two of you are equally yoked and love each other.
  • If one person is 18, and the other is 45, this is probably a case where age matters. The 18-year-old brain is not developed enough to understand what they are truly getting into. This also applies to teacher and student relationships.
  • Older women with younger men can be a good thing if they’re both looking for the same thing. But older men with women that are 40 years younger may not be a good thing. In this case, each person is in the relationship for different reasons. They may say they’re in love, but what kind of love is it? Time will tell.  

Jill said that if you find you’re compatible with someone, don’t let an age difference stop you from seeing where the relationship will go, unless, of course, one has power over the other.

She had other thoughts, too:

  • If you find yourself consistently attracted to someone older, but the relationship never works out, don’t be afraid to date someone who is younger or your age. Remember that you cannot expect different results, if you keep doing the same thing.
  • Stay open to seeing who people really are. Often, all is not what it seems.
  • Determine why you and your partner want to be in the relationship. Some just want to have fun, while others want a commitment. Make sure the two of you are on the same page.

Do you believe that age is just a number when it comes to relationships? Why or why not? Leave your answers in the comments section.

Episode 20: When You’re Blamed for Everything

Producer: Jill Cox-Cordova
Tech Op/Editor: Anthony Cordova
Music: Gifford Ivan Cordova III
Podcast Art: Nick Zinkie

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In All Seriousness

Hold Yourself Accountable

In this week’s episode, Tony admitted that he often blames Jill for things that aren’t her fault. By the end of the episode, he told listeners to try to change that habit, if they, too, often blame others for everything. He offered other advice:

  • Consider how blame affects your partner. Adjust accordingly.
  • Choose your words wisely with everyone, but especially when you feel the need to accuse your partner of something.
  • If you’re lucky, your partner may understand that you just don’t know how to properly ask a question.

During the episode, Jill conceded that she knows that Tony does not mean any harm when he accuses her of things she had nothing to do with; she’s learned to tolerate it. She has other tips as well:

  • Remember that words and tone both matter.
  • Train people to treat you the way you wanted to be treated.
  • Let your partners know your deal breakers early in your relationship.

What advice do you have? Leave your responses in the comments section.

Episode 19: Do Real Men Cry?

Producer: Jill Cox-Cordova
Tech Op/Editor: Anthony Cordova
Music: Gifford Ivan Cordova III
Podcast Art: Nick Zinkie

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In All Seriousness

Allow Yourself to Be Moved

In this week’s episode, Jill encouraged listeners to be who they are. She told everyone that if they feel moved to cry, then there is no shame in doing so. Tony agreed, but added that everyone, especially men, need to be selective about where they are seen crying.

Tony had more thoughts on the topic for men:

  • There appears to be a double standard for men and women when it comes to crying, and that’s sad. Maybe one day it will be okay for men to cry whenever they feel the need to do so.
  • With that said, it is fine if a man cries at a funeral or if he cries because someone hurt him or his feelings.
  • If you find yourself crying all the time for no apparent reason, you might be depressed. Please seek professional help.

Jill has more to say as well:

  • Yes, crying can indeed be a sign of depression. Do not be ashamed to talk to a professional about it.
  • Remember that crying can also indicate that you are a human who can be moved.
  • If you feel the need to cry at work, excuse yourself and do it privately. Otherwise, that can work against you. Also if work brings you to a breaking point often, you may want to consider finding another job or career.

Do you believe it’s okay if men and women cry? What advice do you have to offer? Please leave your comments and response in the comments section.

Episode 18: Do People Think You’re Fake? Tips

Producer: Jill Cox-Cordova
Tech Op/Editor: Anthony Cordova
Music: Gifford Ivan Cordova III
Podcast Art: Nick Zinkie

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In All Seriousness

Be Who You Are

In this week’s episode, Jill and Tony actually agreed that you should be who you are, instead of being someone you’re not, a fake.

Tony had more to add:

  • If you find yourself fighting often with your partner, try talking to each other. Tell them what you love about them, but also voice your concerns. Consider talking to a relationship expert together. If all fails, be courageous and leave the relationship.
  • If you are a single person, look for someone who is your friend and your lover.
  • Do not settle for anyone. Take your time to find the right match for you.

Jill also has some advice:

  • Do not dwell on what others say about you or your relationships. This is your life, your business, not theirs.
  • In the words of Maya Angelou, “If someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”
  • Remember that no one is perfect, including you. Recognize what you can tolerate in others, and what your deal breakers are. Give them a chance to do the same with your flaws.

Do you ever get accused of being fake? How have you handled that situation? Leave your comments. We’d love it if you subscribed, too.

Episode 9: When Swag Becomes a Problem

Producer: Jill Cox-Cordova
Music: Gifford Ivan Cordova III
Podcast Art: Nick Zinkie

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In All Seriousness

Mine Vs. Yours in Relationships

In this week’s podcast, Tony and Jill kept using words that can be detrimental to a relationship like “mine” and “yours.” Jill said that you can still use those words and keep the peace as long as you also define what “ours” means to you and your partner.

Her other advice expands upon that idea:

  • Recognize and respect all three categories of mine, yours, and ours. Yes, you may be a couple, but you’re still individuals, too, possibly with different interests and goals.
  • Cheer each other on with genuine enthusiasm
  • Realize that a win for your partner is a win for you, too

In keeping with the swag theme, Tony said that if people want to be kind to you, respond with “thank you” and enjoy whatever they give you.

He has more suggestions along those lines:

  • Understand that it’s fine to accept swag or maybe even a gift, as long as the giver doesn’t want something inappropriate from you in return
  • Consider declining swag or a gift if it makes your partner uncomfortable
  • If you do accept swag or a gift, make sure you share it with your partner. That way, everybody is happy.

What is your opinion about accepting swag you didn’t earn? Who do you think won this podcast debate? Leave us your thoughts in the comments section.

Episode 8: Wants vs. Needs, The Relationship Edition

Producer: Jill Cox-Cordova
Music: Gifford Ivan Cordova III
Podcast Art: Nick Zinkie

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In All Seriousness

The Art of Compromising

In this podcast, Tony and Jill were more serious than usual because the dangers of riding a motorcycle were discussed.

If you listened to the end, however, you know that their relationship advice was on the comical side. For example, Tony said that while he believes in compromising, sometimes you just have to stand your ground. Jill, on the other hand, urged listeners to offer compromises to their partners, but said that if they don’t take it, then “Oh well.”

The two still have other tips to offer if you and your partner are trying to agree on something.

Here are Jill’s tips:

  • Listen, listen, listen
  • Don’t be afraid to state why you don’t agree, but say it with love.
  • Empathize with your partner. If you put yourself in the other’s shoes, you may view the situation differently.

Here are Tony’s tips:

  • At least try to compromise, if you are in a relationship
  • Try to understand your partner’s concern
  • Remember who you are. Do you feel like a piece of yourself would die if you gave up something you love doing? If so, that’s the time to stand your ground, but don’t let it destroy your relationship. Keep loving each other.

Have you tried any of these tips? What is your process for compromising? Leave your comments.

Episode 7: When to Leave Your Partner’s Things Alone


Producer: Jill Cox-Cordova
Music: Gifford Ivan Cordova III
Podcast Art: Nick Zinkie
 

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In All Seriousness

Respect the Other’s Things

In this podcast, Tony and Jill agreed on their relationship advice: Respect the other’s stuff and boundaries. Don’t just automatically throw things away.

Whew! Now that we got that straight, let’s review Jill’s advice on how to gain or maintain a healthy relationship:

  • Keep your identity. Often when people get into relationships, they stop being who they are. Don’t do that. It’s fine, of course, to act as one and do things as a couple , but if you don’t have all the same interests, that’s acceptable, too.
  • Allow yourself some space from each other every now and then. For example, Tony has the basement to go to without Jill following him there. As you heard in the podcast, Jill’s working on getting her own creative space, too.
  • Make it a priority each day to spend time together in the same room. That’s what we do each evening before bedtime.

Tony has some suggestions as well:

  • Remember that you and your partner are both individuals. Respect them, their space, and their belongings.
  • Do not get angry just because they placed their things some place that you wouldn’t. Instead, calmly talk about it. You’ll likely compromise, which means a win-win situation.
  • If it looks like your partner is becoming a hoarder, seek professional help.

Does your partner have a problem with respecting boundaries and/or your things? What do you do about it? Leave us your comments.

Episode 6: You Might be Bougie

Producer: Jill Cox-Cordova
Music: Gifford Ivan Cordova III
Podcast Art: Nick Zinkie

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In All Seriousness

Be Yourself

In this podcast, Tony advised you to be yourself and not pay attention to others’ perception of you; Jill expanded upon that tip by urging you to resist labels.

Those tips led to more advice. Here is what Jill offered:

  • Don’t be afraid to show who you really are from the beginning. If you’re dating someone and they don’t like the real you, move on. Be with a person who appreciates you for you.
  • If your loved one shows behavior you truly cannot tolerate, don’t think that marrying him or her will change that. It may get worse after that.
  • Trust your instincts about people. It’s usually right.

Tony has more advice to give, too:

  • Remember that if you are being your true self, it doesn’t matter in the big picture.
  • Show people who you are, not who or what you think they want to see.
  • Do your best to be kind and loving to everyone you know and meet.

Which relationship advice is your favorite? Leave your comments.