This topic of this week’s episode was a special one because it was, in part, the idea of another podcaster, David Payne. David hosts the wildly popular and highly-ranked podcast, Somebody Somewhere, which investigates and uncover clues in unsolved, high-profile cases. Make sure you check it the binge-worthy show because it is amazing what he and executive producer, Jody Gottlieb, consistently discover and reveal in each episode.
Recently, David and Jill, who have known each other since their CNN.com days, spoke about the need to feel right, which led to Jill interviewing a neuroscientist, Dr. Dean Burnett, about whether the brain is wired for that. David used an excerpt of that interview in a recent episode, and so did Jill and Tony in this week’s podcast. In fact, Tony and Jill admitted to times they were wrong in their relationship with each other.
Tony also told listeners to look deeper within themselves, within their life, at decisions they’ve made.
His other tips include the following:
Remember that no one is right all the time.
Even if you think you’re right, take the time to truly listen to your partner’s viewpoint
Keep your mind and heart open. That’s the best way to open your ears to listen.
Jill also offered advice by telling listeners to judge others less since everyone has flaws.
She also has the following suggestions:
Be honest with yourself about why you feel the need to be right
In this week’s episode, Tony and Jill discussed how much they’ve changed since they first met. In their case, they believe their change, especially when they changed together, helped them reach an all-time high in their relationship. In essence, they believed their changes–individual ones and those they did as a couple–were mostly positive.
Jill brought up the times her changes resulted in a significant weight gain. She thanked Tony for not loving her any less.
Jill told listeners to avoid being a dream killer.
As always, she has other tips:
Expect change. Few people stay the same forever.
Embrace growth. Change is often a sign of moving forward.
Avoid staying in the past. Remember that you can’t change what has already happened, but you can grow and progress in the days ahead.
Tony advised listeners, when meeting someone, to really take the time to know the person.
He suggested they also do the following:
Be honest with yourself and with each other about changes.
Consider that change can either enhance or destroy a relationship, but don’t make snap judgments about it.
Strive for open communication, no matter the changes.
In what ways have you changed during your relationship with your significant other? How did your partner respond? Have you followed any of Jill and Tony’s suggestions? Which ones? Leave your responses in the comments section at the bottom of this page.
Thanks as always for your support. Join Jill and Tony in person at their first meetup related to this podcast. Details are near the top of this page.
In this week’s episode, Jill revealed that she is actually an introvert when it comes to what energy makes her thrive; whereas Tony said he is either a hybrid of an introvert and an extrovert, or maybe he’s an extrovert.
You may not believe their conclusions, but it’s true, even if they only realized that about themselves recently.
In the podcast, Tony encouraged people to connect with others, regardless of whether they are an introvert or extrovert, in order to have a fulfilling life. He said you only need a few close friends.
He also has these tips:
Recognize that it doesn’t matter whether you are introverted or extroverted, as long as it doesn’t negatively affect your professional and personal life.
Avoid being a hermit. Do the things you enjoy outside of your home, even occasionally.
If you are an extrovert, do not try to outshine others around you, especially if you are in a relationship with an introvert.
Meanwhile, Jill told listeners to be who they really are, but try to step up if they have to in order to achieve their goals.
Her other suggestions are for introverts, like her:
Face your fears. For example, if it terrifies you to deliver a presentation or a speech, learn how to get out of your comfort zone by joining Toastmasters or finding help in another form.
Do not try to change your personality, even if someone else would prefer if you did. Instead, work on improving behaviors that you believe may be holding you back from meaningful roles and relationships.
Make time for self-care. If you find mandatory social gatherings draining, take the time to do the things that rejuvenate and relax after the event is over.
Do you believe Jill and Tony’s conclusions about themselves? How do you navigate social gatherings if you’re in a relationship with an introvert, but you are an extrovert, or vice-versa? Leave your responses in the comments section.
In this week’s relationship, Jill and Tony discussed facets of the bro code and sistah/girlfriend code. For example, women often live by an unspoken rule that anyone they are interested in is off limits to their friends.That often applies to when the friend is in the relationship with her love interest… and after it ends, too.
Tony took the conversation to a completely different place when he first described what’s included in the bro code. If you missed it, you’ll just have to listen to the episode.
In the meantime, Tony advised listeners to keep their number of close friends to a minimum. He said you should have only a few close friends, and some may even seem like or better than family.
He also has other tips:
Embrace having friendship codes if they enhance the respect level and create appropriate boundaries.
Be aware that some codes–the bro code, for example– can create an environment for cheating. Pay attention.
Discuss friendship codes with your friends and your partner. Transparency is great for relationships..
Jill also told listeners that to have good friends, you must be a good one. Lead by example.
She also has other advice:
Know who your true friends are. Not everyone is your friend.
Build all of your relationships on trust. Without it, what’s the point?
Respect your friend’s relationships with others, even those you personally do not care for. Surround yourself with people who respect your relationships, too.
What codes do you think friends and partners should have? What have you experienced that worked or failed? Please leave your responses in our comments section. Let us know what you thought of this episode too, while you’re at it.
In this week’s episode, Jill brought up Tony’s habit of having conversations in his head that he thought they had aloud.
Jill was baffled about what to do about it, but still managed to advise listeners to either choose between making your partner aware of the situation or mess with your mate by making fun of the situation.
She also has other tips:
Consider whether there is a real issue. It could be something that the two of you laugh about or maybe it is indicative of something a little more serious
Pick and choose your battles. If it isn’t a real problem, don’t make it one.
Don’t take yourself so seriously. Live life with light and love.
Meanwhile, although Tony didn’t think he had this issue, he told listeners to not tell their partner if they have imaginary conversations. Of course, the issue is the person having these discussions in their head may not realize it.
He gave the following advice:
If your partner thinks they have said something to you out loud, but really only thought it, you should bare with them. It’s probably because they feel so connected to you. It’s nothing to worry about.
Watch their clues of smiling and laughing when they tell you about yourself. That means the situation is funny to them.
If your partner becomes angry when you discuss it, however, take the issue seriously. Perhaps your partner needs professional help.
Can you relate to this same situation? If so, what do you do about it? Leave your responses in the comments section.
Don’t Talk too Much, but don’t keep too many secrets either
In this week’s episode, Tony and Jill discussed how much you should tell your partner about your past. We all have one, after all.
Tony urged listeners to be honest with their partner and with themselves.
He also has more advice:
Some people hide what they don’t want others to see. Don’t do that. Remember that when you hide yourself from others, you hide from yourself, too.
Decide what you want out of the relationship. Determining this can help you decide how much to reveal about your past.
Ultimately, how much you decide to divulge is up to you.
Jill told listeners to show who they really are. She also has more tips:
Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not, so when you’re talking about your past, don’t downplay or exaggerate.
Be a good listener when your partner is telling you about his or her past. You’ll likely learn a lot about what you can and cannot tolerate long-term.
Above all, establish open communication lines, whether it’s talking about your past or present. Secrets usually come to light at some point, but try not to overwhelm someone you’ve just met by telling him or her everything. Pace yourself.
How much do you think is too much to divulge about your past? Has this ever been an issue for you? Leave your answers in the comments section. Thanks and keep listening. We appreciate your support.
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In this week’s episode, we discussed many reasons why some people cheat, and their partners stay with them.
We both urged listeners to be honest with themselves and their partners about the situation.
Tony also has some other tips to offer:
If you are a person that cheats on your partner. Take a moment to try to figure out why.
Also think about the person you’re cheating on. How would you feel if they cheated on you? If you don’t care how it affects your partner emotionally, please try to be nice enough to let them go, if they don’t have the strength to leave you.
Please, please, please, if you are the person that’s being cheated on, find the strength to leave them. You are worth more than that, you deserve better than that. Love yourself.
Jill also has some advice for listeners:
If you find that partner after partner cheats on you, try to determine why.
If you end a relationship because your partner cheats on you, don’t feel like you have to tell everyone or anyone. Some so-called friends have a tendency to make you feel worse about it. So, only tell others if it makes you feel better to release the truth.
Don’t try to change a cheater. You only have control of yourself.
Have you ever cheated on someone or been in a relationship with a cheater? How did that relationship play out? Leave your comments below. Don’t forget to catch up on any missed episodes.