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Episode 4: Is There an Instigator in Your Relationship?

Producer: Jill Cox-Cordova
Music: Gifford Ivan Cordova III
Podcast Art: Nick Zinkie

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In All Seriousness

Spread Positivity

In our podcast, Tony advised those of you who feel a need to talk to people to do it with positivity; do not insert negativity into it at all. Jill agreed with that, but suggested that the best way to do that is to stay out of other people’s business anyway.

That discussion led to the two coming up with more tips. Here are Tony’s:

  • Make sure you’re happy with yourself before you butt into another person’s life. If you give advice when you’re not happy with yourself, you will probably give them bad advice.
  • If you are indeed an instigator, accept that, but also understand that nothing good will ever happen if you instigate in a negative way.
  • Assess the situation and the people you approach. Sometimes it is best to just stay out of other people’s business.

Jill agreed with Tony’s last tip, of course. Here are her other tips:

  • Remember that everyone has a certain timeline and way they want to do things. Just because you wouldn’t do it how and when they would doesn’t mean their approach is wrong.
  • Spend more time determining how to improve yourself, not everyone else’s life. Chances are they didn’t ask for or need your help.
  • If they do ask for your input, give them your honest opinion without being harsh or critical of who they are.

So, do you have an instigator in your relationship? Is Tony an instigator? Please leave your comments.

8 comments on “Episode 4: Is There an Instigator in Your Relationship?

  1. Mary E Vogel says:

    At 6 minutes 20 seconds into the podcast Jill had Tony virtually admitting he is an instigator. But Tony’s instigation appears to be positive as it caused the couple in question to consider what each ultimately wanted for their relationship. Without Tony’s instigation, their status-quo might have continued for years before the relationship imploded. However, I don’t buy Tony’s assertion that he is a facilitator as this implies, to me at least, that all parties buy into this process. Might Tony be a Ninja-facilitator, striking covertly for the good of society?

    Great podcast…both funny and thought-provoking.

    1. @jillccwrites2 says:

      Thanks for commenting, Mary, and for giving us both credit. We both like the Ninja-facilitator title. That’s something we all can agree on.

      1. Mary E Vogel says:

        That wasn’t me!!! It was Denis. He forgot we were watching on my computer. My comment forthcoming. Lol

      2. @jillccwrites2 says:

        Lol! Thanks, Denis, for Your comment.

  2. Mary E Vogel says:

    Yes, there is an instigator in my and Denis’s relationship, and it’s Denis. He loves to give advice. I remember hearing a call on our answering machine from one of his students about taking Denis’s advice and proposing to his girl friend, The guy sounded shaken, and I wondered what has Denis done. Well, they’ve been happily–no blissfully–married for about 30 years. So like Tony he may be a Ninja-facilitator. However, as the wife of an instigator, sometimes I feel I wish I could make myself invisible. Lol.

    1. @jillccwrites2 says:

      Hahahaha! This made us both laugh. Tony said he has a lot in common with Denis; I said I had a lot in common with you. Hahaha! Thanks for commenting.

  3. Great post 😁

    1. @jillccwrites2 says:

      Thank you!

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