Episode 34: How Much Should you Reveal About Your Past?

Producer: Jill Cox-Cordova
Tech Op/Editor: Anthony Cordova
Music: Gifford Ivan Cordova III
Podcast Art: Nick Zinkie
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In All Seriousness

Don’t Talk too Much, but don’t keep too many secrets either

In this week’s episode, Tony and Jill discussed how much you should tell your partner about your past. We all have one, after all.

Tony urged listeners to be honest with their partner and with themselves.

He also has more advice:

  • Some people hide what they don’t want others to see. Don’t do that. Remember that when you hide yourself from others, you hide from yourself, too.
  • Decide what you want out of the relationship. Determining this can help you decide how much to reveal about your past.
  • Ultimately, how much you decide to divulge is up to you.

Jill told listeners to show who they really are. She also has more tips:

  • Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not, so when you’re talking about your past, don’t downplay or exaggerate.
  • Be a good listener when your partner is telling you about his or her past. You’ll likely learn a lot about what you can and cannot tolerate long-term.
  • Above all, establish open communication lines, whether it’s talking about your past or present. Secrets usually come to light at some point, but try not to overwhelm someone you’ve just met by telling him or her everything. Pace yourself.

How much do you think is too much to divulge about your past? Has this ever been an issue for you? Leave your answers in the comments section. Thanks and keep listening. We appreciate your support.

2 thoughts

  1. When Denis and I met back in November of 1971, there was no Google, and we never thought about background checks. Many times we met people through friends but not always. Meeting someone at a club and giving out phone numbers was not unusual. However neither I nor any of my friends ever left a club with anyone we had just met. He always had to call and make a date. I did have some bad experiences, but somehow (by the grace of God, I guess) nothing too horrible. I mean nothing escalated to a a Christine Blasey Ford experience. I did overlook a lot that I wouldn’t tolerate today.

    But the question is how much of your past should you reveal to a partner. I think Denis and I told each other pretty much everything. I was so guileless it never occurred to me not to. Lol. Denis says we just wanted to be honest with each other. We did pace ourselves—these things did not come up on the first date or even the second. However to be honest we can’t remember the time frame.

    Do I think we had to be that honest? I’m not sure, but I don’t think it hurt anything. Neither of us had STDs or were addicts, but if we had these issues, it seems we would have been forthright about them. Life is so different now. If I were thrown into a dating situation, it would be like going through a wormhole into a future where I would never fit in.

    Like

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